A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
are you so shy because you have an std?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
