1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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