Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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