Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
