come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
