I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
