dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
