alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
