guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
