ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
