well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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