Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
