how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
