I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
