We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
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