i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
you made out with another girl for some wings
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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