Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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