Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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