Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
