when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
