did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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