the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
