dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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