I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize