It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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