We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize