My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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