Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
