i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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