So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
