Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
