I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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