I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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