It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
