The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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