i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
