I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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