Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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