go do what you do best...puke behind churches
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
