Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
