never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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