just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
