You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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