theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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