She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
