OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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