stop calling my apartment porn island.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
