so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
