after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
