If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
