he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
