I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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