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You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
