i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
