me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Four minutes until I can fart!
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
