New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
