his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize