you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
