Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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