I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
