Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
