i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
