the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
