oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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